Sweeney by the Sea
by JDeppIsMyLovely
Summary: Sweeney's thoughts as Mrs. Lovett sings By the Sea! Oneshot.


**A/N: When I watch the By the Sea scene in Sweeney Todd DBoFS, I always think: Hey! i wonder what Sweeney is thinking during all of this? he keeps a straight face through the WHOLE song! Sooooo I decided to write his thoughts as Mrs. Lovett sings about her dreams! Warning: bad jokes about the seaside and the price of beachfront property ahead! Have fun reading this! XD**

**P.S.: The italicized words are the lyrics and the regular font words are Sweeney's thoughts...just wanted to clear that up :)**

**And: I don't own Sweeney Todd or By the Sea...Stephen Sondheim owns this lovely little tune ;)**

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><p><em>Oh Mr. Todd! *kiss*<em>

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did she just _kiss_ me?

_I'm so happy *kiss*_

She's only happy 'cause I didn't move when she kissed me!

_I could *kiss* _

Could _what_? _Kiss_ me again? I think not.

_Eat you up, I really could! _

She better mean baking me into a meat pie and eating _that._

_You know what I'd like to do, Mr. Todd? *kiss* _

Yes. And I don't want you to elaborate your _wants_ to me.

_What I dream *kiss* _

Don't go there Lovett, Don't. Go. There.

_If the business stays as good?_

Please say buy me my own house away from you.

_Where I'd really like to go,_

OK! Back to being concerned about the direction of this musical outburst!

_In a year or so?_

New plan; get away from this baker in less than a year.

_Don't you want to know?_

NO.

_Of course_

_Do you really want to know?_

Not. At. All.

_Yes. I do._

_By the sea, Mr. Todd, that's the life I covet,_

Oh thank god, _plot twist_!

_By the sea, Mr. Todd, ooh, I know you'd love it!_

If it means less nonsensical babble from you, sure.

_You and me, Mr. T, we could be alone_

Whoa there! You better not mean what I think you do Lovett!

_In a house what we'd almost own,_

Level of concern is still heightened

_Down by the sea!_

Yes, we've already established the whereabouts of said house, thank you.

_Anything you say_

_Wouldn't that be smashing?_

Not as smashing as you not living with me.

_Think how snug it'll be underneath our flannel_

Our? Im NOT sharing bedding of any kind with YOU.

_When it's just you and me and the English Channel!_

I will throw you into the English Channel; hope you can swim. NOT.

_In our cozy retreat kept all neat and tidy,_

I will mess it up just to piss you off!

_We'll have chums over ev'ry Friday!_

Like hell we will! I hate people!

_By the sea!_

Located where my new soon-to-be personal hell is.

_Don'tcha love the weather?_

No, I like clouds and rain.

_By the sea!_

Again; personal hell.

_We'll grow old together!_

Not if I have a say, which I know I wont!

_By the seaside,_

Why not a frontal view of the sea you stupid woman!

_Woahh_

Whoa is right! Beachfront property is expensive!

_By the beautiful sea!_

*pouts* don't care how pretty it is, I still wont go!

_It'll be so quiet,_

Once I strangle you

_That who'll come by it,_

Hookers, once you're outta the picture anyway…

_Except a seagull,_

No, they aren't allowed. Only hookers.

_Hoo, Hoo!_

Is what you'll hear from the window 'cause I'm just THAT good.

_We shouldn't try it,_

That, I agree with.

_Though, 'til it's legal for two-hoo!_

Well lets hope it's never legalized.

_But a seaside wedding could be devised,_

With _WHO_? _ME_?

_Me rumpled bedding legitimized!_

SEXUAL INNUENDO DETECTED! RAISE THE ALARMS!

_Me eyelids'll flutter,_

No they wont, I'm SO not touching you.

_I'll turn into butter,_

So I wont kill you? Now what do I have to look forward to?

_The moment I mutter I do-hoo!_

You forgot the _not _in that exclamation. It's called spell check. Use it.

_Down by the sea,_

Stop saying that, im running out of witty comebacks!

_Married nice and proper_

1: we are NOT getting married. 2: You're SO not proper!

_By the sea_

Is where your death shall be

_Bring along your chopper_

_chopper _is such a crude word, and my razors are beautiful! I take offense!

_To the seaside hoo hoo!_

You've said sea/seaside how many times? 11. Its getting annoying.

_By the beautiful sea!_

Correction, 12. That last time was just to bug me wasn't it, Mrs. I'm-Really-A-Psychic-But-Didn't-Tell-My-Roomie-About-It!

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><p><strong>And There you have it! Sweeney's unspoken thoughts about his landladys dreams! hope you liked it! reviews would be loved lots :)<strong>


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